There is no such thing as a stressless life. Even if there was, you probably wouldn’t enjoy it. If you’re questioning my sanity right now, it may be you only perceive stress as a bad thing. Actually, stress comes in two broad categories, eustress (caused by positive events) and distress (influenced by negative events). Anyone who’s dealt with the happy chaos of a new baby in the family or the first-day jitters at a new job knows eustress well. Yet it is the dark side, distress, that most people think of when they say they’re stressed. Let’s take a closer look at this phenomenon we have a hard time living with, but truly can’t live without.
Stress arises when a situation in our environment requires us to change our usual behavior in order to meet our needs. It’s no secret that the world is rapidly changing around us and we need to keep up or be left in the dust. As much as we may like to consider ourselves spontaneous, free-spirited, and flexible, human beings are very much creatures of habit who find order, predictability, and continuity to be comforting. If a situation requires greater changes in habits, behaviors, attitudes, etc., the more stressful the changes will be. For instance, if a freshly-hired manager comes into a company and revises procedures, experienced employees are likely to resent and have difficulty with the changes than rookie employees.
Without stress, we would not be motivated or stimulated. Experiencing stress is a natural part of living and achieving our goals, but we must cope with it effectively so its harmful effects won’t get the better of us. As an example, a certain amount of anticipation before taking a test will help a student be motivated to study and be ready to do her best. On the other hand, overwhelming anxiety before a test can cause either overstudying – cramming too much into too little time, neglecting rest and eating properly due to frantic activity – or becoming incapable of studying at all.
We can cope better with the negative effects of stress with the power of our own minds. Stress is not “out there” in our lives, representing something that happens to us. Instead, stress lies in part in how we interpret and respond to those events. Thus, stress lies “in between” the event and the person. An event that causes distress for one individual may not cause distress for someone else because each individual’s unique perception of and reactions to the situation influences their experiences. Since stress is a natural part of life, recognizing what stresses us and learning how to respond constructively is a more realistic goal than expecting to eliminate stress.
One of the most powerful stress antidotes is accepting that you are not and never will be perfect. Many people have a number of irrational beliefs which make them less capable of dealing with stressors and undermine their enjoyment of and pride in many life accomplishments because they were not perfect. Perfection is found in nature and in the divine, but not in human beings. High standards are wonderful, but perfectionism is not only stressful, it’s self-defeating.
Where do you typically place the blame when things go wrong? The answer to this question can identify your attributional style. There are three dimensions to attribution, external versus internal, unstable versus stable, and specific versus global. Here are some examples for each dimension having to do with receiving a rejection letter after a job interview that seemed promising.
Candidate O: I guess I just wasn’t the candidate they were looking to hire for that job (external). I know I will be able to find another good job when the economy improves (unstable). I bet a couple more years of work experience will help my chances of getting a job at that level (specific).
Candidate P: I’m such an idiot! I made a total fool of myself the entire interview (internal). I’m such a loser that no one will ever want to hire me again (stable). I screwed this up just like I screw up everything I do. I’m a hopeless case (global).
It shouldn’t be too surprising to find that Candidate O is an optimist and Candidate P is a pessimist. Optimists are more likely to identify external causes for bad events while acknowledging that factors associated with the negative outcome are changeable (unstable) and particular to this situation only (specific). Pessimists are more likely to assign permanent blame to themselves (internal, stable) for the negative outcome and extend its effects to everything in their lives (global). So who do you think feels stressed by the job rejection? Who do you think will be motivated by the stress to do better next time? Who will be demoralized into not bothering to apply for the next job? It’s all in the attributional style.
We have choices as to how to deal with stressors. Constructive responses to stress include dealing directly with your problems, keeping a realistic view of what is happening, recognizing harmful emotional reactions you have to stress and learning how to control or alter them, and being willing to look at all alternative courses of action. The first place to look in learning to handle stress more effectively is within your own mind.
